Saturday, December 31, 2011
Unmute!
Inside my cuckoo clock I see pendulum swing. I never have seen it throwing back at me with the same gutso! but this time it did and I'm taken by surprise. I a resident of surreality reside in void of me and my existence. I thrive and survive on fantasies, which is food to my thoughts .But at times they turn into virulent toxin injecting paranoid pain, convulsing brain contracts while mind and body travels through sweetest spasms.An innate trance embodied in me, bring in a strange sense of affluent strength. Self consumed arrogance throws fists at ignorant world in the background an unwritten song rings in rhythm to the encore. I hope this muted tune resonates until my earthly existence crawls out of its skin and is mortal in manmade grave. Mounted grief need ventilation cause molten memories sizzle as it gushes through the veins. Hard enough, I shall have to endure this mental orgasm. It is not the jugglery of the vocabulary it is forced articulation of an experience, just another propelled catharsis
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
GOKs Where Nikitha Is??
Year and two months after, I am making an effort to jot a few lines. I don't where Nikitha is, I wish her wherever is she and hope that she is somewhere safe. Life as twisted as it is deemed to be is now set off on new journey altogether.
I am busy untangling the twist, the last few months of bustling actions seem to have dead now. I have come to belive that enumerating life has no fun anymore. Decisions is all left with me, endless contemplations leads to no conclusions.
This strange phase in life is hard to express. I am not sure if i am complying to game someone has set me up for. Absurdity continues while I still am making efforts to restate clarity. Sustaining the burden I have carried thus far, unsure of dragging this dirt any further.
I need to relinquish self out of this rubble, which invariable has been created by either me or instigated by the external world which I have drawn upon myself. All I need now is an immaculate cleanser.
I am busy untangling the twist, the last few months of bustling actions seem to have dead now. I have come to belive that enumerating life has no fun anymore. Decisions is all left with me, endless contemplations leads to no conclusions.
This strange phase in life is hard to express. I am not sure if i am complying to game someone has set me up for. Absurdity continues while I still am making efforts to restate clarity. Sustaining the burden I have carried thus far, unsure of dragging this dirt any further.
I need to relinquish self out of this rubble, which invariable has been created by either me or instigated by the external world which I have drawn upon myself. All I need now is an immaculate cleanser.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
FAITH
Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. ~Rabindranath Tagore
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that she is someone today.
Jan 24 is National Girl Child Day in India, Irony i found her on 25th Jan 2010 (She was just a day old)
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Girl-child-Day-She-rocks/articleshow/5493696.cms
Foundling at my Door Step
I had heard horrid stories of new born babies being dumped in dustbins. Babies forsaken at the mercy of the nature, you'd rather behold them from seeing the light on this earth than to kill them by exposure to cold and hungry stray dogs. What drives their parents to jilt their just born? From Oedipus till now there are probably innumerous theories and thousand other speculations for child abandonment.
For it must have been my luck today I found bundle of joy at my door step. I took cold feet when mum screamed hysterically from the gate when she found pink heap of cloth just outside my gate. I ran mum was too terrified to open the gate. She kept screaming somebody has left a baby…someone has left a baby…. (Kept repeating) it must be dead, she said. It isn’t moving. She was an emotional wreck already. I wasn’t too sure if I had to inspect the heap of pink cloth.
I slowly got little closer, moved cloth to find the baby facing the ground. I did panic for moment not sure; I just scooped it in my arms to ensure if it were alive. It was breathing. I quickly checked if it was hurt anywhere else. My mother was uncontrollably sobbing already. I assured her that baby is fine, asked to yell out to the neighbors to call the police.
They called the police station. I was holding the baby in my arms unsure of what was happening around. To my luck my neighbors were more sensible than I was. We stood outside the gate wanting to know. If anybody left baby and ran, we enquired every commuter on the road. There was no answer. There was enough commotion in front of my house by then. Everyone started murmuring questioning baby’s gender. That’s when it dawned upon us to check. Baby still in my arms, it’s “girl” my neighbor announced. The muttering crowd’s voices grew stronger. While some did pity few scowled and said “no wonder they abandoned it”. My neighbor guessed that the baby was just about 3 -4 days old since baby’s cut umbilical cord still had the plastic clip (surgical) on it.
By the time Police arrived at my house there was legion of unknown men and women at my gate. My mother was crazy I thought, when she said let’s keep the baby. I asked her not be emotionally blind. I was too shocked to think anything else. Police asked me when and what happened, I narrated the episode. My mother couldn’t speak she kept weeping. I was told to bring the baby to the police station and from there on they will take care.
My good neighbor got his car; I held this little innocent soul in my arms took to her to the police station. The police took my statement, told me that the baby will be safe. she will be taken to the VaniVilas Hospital. I handed the baby to the constable who was to take her to the Hospital. Following which she would be sent to an orphanage if none claim her. I was human enough to ask the police to let me know about baby’s health once she was at the hospital. I have also told them that if they don’t find anybody for adoption they should call me and I shall help them.
Once I returned home, my mother was inconsolable. I am not sure why she felt so emotional about this incident. Was it because somewhere she related to that disowned child? I am unsure of my own emotions either. I have several unanswered question floating in my mind. Did I do the right thing? Was I right in handing over the baby to the police? Should I have adopted her? Why did they leave that baby in front of my gate? Where there no other houses on my street? Was she left there because it was Girl? Is her mother aware that her baby is abandoned? Baby, was she ill? Didn’t her parents have enough money? Did they choose me, to take care of the baby was I supposed to take care of that child? I have endless series of moot points. I have no answer’s……..WHY ME? (Am I too shallow, unable to challenge cruelty of the world against a "girl" child?)
For it must have been my luck today I found bundle of joy at my door step. I took cold feet when mum screamed hysterically from the gate when she found pink heap of cloth just outside my gate. I ran mum was too terrified to open the gate. She kept screaming somebody has left a baby…someone has left a baby…. (Kept repeating) it must be dead, she said. It isn’t moving. She was an emotional wreck already. I wasn’t too sure if I had to inspect the heap of pink cloth.
I slowly got little closer, moved cloth to find the baby facing the ground. I did panic for moment not sure; I just scooped it in my arms to ensure if it were alive. It was breathing. I quickly checked if it was hurt anywhere else. My mother was uncontrollably sobbing already. I assured her that baby is fine, asked to yell out to the neighbors to call the police.
They called the police station. I was holding the baby in my arms unsure of what was happening around. To my luck my neighbors were more sensible than I was. We stood outside the gate wanting to know. If anybody left baby and ran, we enquired every commuter on the road. There was no answer. There was enough commotion in front of my house by then. Everyone started murmuring questioning baby’s gender. That’s when it dawned upon us to check. Baby still in my arms, it’s “girl” my neighbor announced. The muttering crowd’s voices grew stronger. While some did pity few scowled and said “no wonder they abandoned it”. My neighbor guessed that the baby was just about 3 -4 days old since baby’s cut umbilical cord still had the plastic clip (surgical) on it.
By the time Police arrived at my house there was legion of unknown men and women at my gate. My mother was crazy I thought, when she said let’s keep the baby. I asked her not be emotionally blind. I was too shocked to think anything else. Police asked me when and what happened, I narrated the episode. My mother couldn’t speak she kept weeping. I was told to bring the baby to the police station and from there on they will take care.
My good neighbor got his car; I held this little innocent soul in my arms took to her to the police station. The police took my statement, told me that the baby will be safe. she will be taken to the VaniVilas Hospital. I handed the baby to the constable who was to take her to the Hospital. Following which she would be sent to an orphanage if none claim her. I was human enough to ask the police to let me know about baby’s health once she was at the hospital. I have also told them that if they don’t find anybody for adoption they should call me and I shall help them.
Once I returned home, my mother was inconsolable. I am not sure why she felt so emotional about this incident. Was it because somewhere she related to that disowned child? I am unsure of my own emotions either. I have several unanswered question floating in my mind. Did I do the right thing? Was I right in handing over the baby to the police? Should I have adopted her? Why did they leave that baby in front of my gate? Where there no other houses on my street? Was she left there because it was Girl? Is her mother aware that her baby is abandoned? Baby, was she ill? Didn’t her parents have enough money? Did they choose me, to take care of the baby was I supposed to take care of that child? I have endless series of moot points. I have no answer’s……..WHY ME? (Am I too shallow, unable to challenge cruelty of the world against a "girl" child?)
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